Thursday, September 14

Child free zone...

I've reached the point where I'm now obsessing about my son's bad behavior and have decided after today this blog will be child free zone for the next few weeks. Normally, I'm not a big believer in spanking but I've now gone beyond thinking about spanking and completely understand why some species eat their young. I can feel the gray hairs sprouting all over my head.

I don't spank, but after the last 3 days I'm tempted, I'm needing time outs to keep my frayed temper in check. Rewards for good behavior work sometimes, loss of privileges work sometimes, but neither are working right now. Welcome to the world of parenting, right?

Deep purifying breath... SERENITY NOW!!!


Avid Reader said...

I was spanked and I turned out OK. As did my brothers and sisters. Of course, I have no kids, just nephews and a couple of nieces. However, I do believe in spanking children when nothing else works.

I actually had a discussion with another co-worker about spanking and she said they don't do it because it teaches them violence. Oh, I thought. I thought it was supposed to be about discipline. This from someone whose son slapped her silly at the dinner table with guests and was still running the show at home because they don't spank. So she was looking for other ideas. You know what mine was but we just left it alone after that. Sigh.

Bottom line for me is do what works without killing the kid, you know?

Good luck. I don't envy you your job as a parent and from the outside looking in, it's a tough one, too.


Jenster said...

Aw! We like reading about Junior. And this too shall pass. As to what it will pass into, I've no idea. lol

I was never big into spanking, either, but sometimes it seems the only recourse.

Tara Marie said...

Keishon, I'm not big on spanking because 1. it teaches young children to hit--the Mommy does it so can I mentality. 2. I have a friend who spanks and her kids are totally desensitized to it and it doesn't work anymore. But having said that if my son hit me, I'd certainly hit back. I have smacked his fanny to get his attention, but that's about it.

Jen, there are days I rethink the spanking thing. My Mom spanked us and to be honest I was more afraid of my Mom than my teachers and knew if I didn't behave at school I'd be in bigger trouble at home.

I know it will pass he's just testing his boundaries, but boy is he pushing.

Jenster said...

He's just making it easier on you to send him to school. :o)


Tara Marie said...

Jen, that's the problem, most of his bad behavior is at school, testing the teachers boundaries. First infraction name goes on the board, second lose half of recess, third infraction lose the other half of recess...

Jenster said...

Junior is a sharp little cookie and this kindergarten business is so new. He's going to do fine once he figures out where those boundaries are.

In the meantime, welcome to my world of hair color in a bottle.


Rosie said...

I was one of 9 kids. We frayed my Mom to a thread. We were yelled at, smacked, name it. My husband came from much the same and is one of 7 kids.

We made a conscious choice not to spank. Not that they were never spanked, but if they were it would be a deliberate act and not done in the heat of anger. As a result spanking rarely had to be used as a punishment or consequence of poor behavior.

I so remember, especially with my younger son, having to give myself a time out because he was such a smart mouth. Conventional consequences and punishments just did not work with him. I finally kept him busy with chores. Of course he was stubborn as the day is long, so it took awhile to work.

Just like I said the other day how every stage has its joys...there is also always the dark side.

Hang in will get better. One thing is for certain with kids, nothing stays the same! : )

Devonna said...

I'm an auntie, not a mommy, but I can sure empathize with the situation. Up until a few years ago, I was my niece's second parent. Everyone talks about the terrible twos. I thought two was terrific. Then she turned three ~ and I've been tempted to tear out my hair everyday since then. Ok, ages 3-6 ~ we're testing boundaries, and Lord could she test boundaries; 7-9 ~ who'd have thought that girls are hormonal at that age?!; 10-12 ~ the preteen years, need I say more?; 13-now ~ Gawd she's a teenager. And I thought the hormones were bad between 7-9!

This too shall pass, Tara. Sometimes sooner than you really want it to.

Tara Marie said...

Jen, I know he's got to push, but it's been a trying week. And, add to it I'm missing him during the day, yikes--I refuse to cry.

Rosie, OMG the holidays must be crazy for your family. He has two parents that are incredibly sarcastic and then wonder why he's got a smart mouth, poor kid--LOL. Today was a much better day at school.

Devonna, I can completely appreciate the auntie thing. My oldest niece is 20 and still having growing pains.

Toni Lea Andrews said...

I have a solution for you: Velcro Sheets.

Just tuck the little *#@!& into bed and when you're ready to see him without strangling him, he'll be EXACTLY where you left him.

Kimber said...

My mum used to hit our palms with a wooden spoon (she's Irish). Actually, she used to make us go GET the wooden spoon so we could have our hands smacked. Usually just the threat of the wooden spoon was enough to make us behave.

Dylan said...

Oh gosh I so know what you daughter acts up all the time and she does it the most when we're around other people, mainly at soccer practice.

I spank her, only when she needs it but that doesn't seem to help matters, since my spanking doesn't phase her...she only listens to me when she gets scolded by my Dad or one of my brothers...

The joy of parenting, yeah right.

Good luck with your son, I totally feel your pain..I guess its the season for bad behaved children.

meljean brook said...

Insanity later.

We (hubby and I) were both spanked as kids -- we've agreed not to for our little one...but, yeah, there are days when I think, "God, just let me pop her one on the butt and maybe she'll listen."

Then I remember that I never listened. Sigh.

Kat O+ said...

I was spanked as a kid and I can tell you, it kept me in line! But my younger brother, you could break a wooden spoon on his butt and he'd be back to setting the garage on fire two minutes later. So while I don't object to it, I think you need to determine when and how it will work with your kids if you do decide to spank.

Speaking of my brother, his first day at preschool was spent in the toilet (that was the only punishment room left after the corner didn't work - we weren't living in a first-world country at the time). Less than five minutes later, he came out to tell the teacher that the toilet was broken. Seems he got a little too curious and tried to take the cistern apart. *LOL*

Since your son is so young, I'd be looking at what infractions he's getting into trouble for. If they're relatively minor (talking in class, not paying attention), they might disappear over time as he gets used to the routine of school. And there might be a good reason. Maybe he's like my brother who is just so naturally curious about the world that he can't sit still and has a low threshold for paying attention. If that's the case, maybe it's not more discipline that's needed but that his teachers take a different approach for keeping him interested enough not to misbehave.

But I only have 2-year old so maybe I just don't get it and I'll remember writing this in a few years' time and ask myself how I could have been so clueless! *g* Either way, good luck and I hope the stress levels ease up soon. :)

CindyS said...

I imagine my mother still wishes she could eat her young and they are now 31 and 36 ;)

My father never struck us as kids, he just had to give us the look. Dead certain to get us to pee in fear ;) I think my mom smacked me 3 times.

Can daddy get him to straighten up?

Bob's mom had 7 boys (ugh) and her threat that had the children straighten up was 'wait until your father get's home' - he never hit them either so I'm not sure if it was fear of disappointing him or what.

At least you are very aware when your child is pushing your buttons.

It's probably the change in routine for both of you that's pulling you guys at the seams.

Sending you happy thoughts!


Tara Marie said...

Toni Lea, you need the velcro sheets when they get out of their new big kid bed, after that they don't work all that well--LOL.

Kimber, No spoons at our house, it was the threat of Daddy's "belt" on the back of our legs, sure sign Mom had reached the end of her rope and we towed the line.

Dylan, he's really not that bad, just testing the teacher's boundaries, unfortunately he's testing a little at home too.

Meljean, that it, he's not the type of kid spanking will work on, he's too busy feeling sorry for himself.

Kate O, he's very curious child, his biggest problem this week was being rude to one of the teachers, big time rude. The rest were minor things, like rug surfing (sleeping mats slide great on the circle time rug), talking in class and things like that, not horrible, but things he learned in pre-school not to do, so he knows better.

Cindy, it was always the threat of being hit that kept me in line, I was rarely if ever spanked, my sister was a button pusher from 2 until she was 7. She had a complete meltdown temper tantrum in a dept. store once, and my mother left her on the floor screaming and kicking, when someone sad how horrible, my mom gave the woman "the look" and said "I deal with this everyday, you want to take her home?" That got my sister up and clinging to mom's leg.